There has been a lot of nonsense spewing from the airwaves of the Team 1040 radio station in the last few days. You see, the Canucks have suffered a few injuries and in turn a few on air radio personalities (and callers) have decided that they need a heavyweight enforcer! I, for one, think it’s a gross overreaction.
Pictured above is former Canucks goaltender and current Sportsnet broadcaster John Garrett. This photo might have been taken during the 1984-85 season. That year Garrett earned the nickname “Lotto” because he finished the season with a goals against average of 6.49. To further refresh your memory, that season marked the last year the Canucks wore their flying V jerseys (possibly the ugliest jerseys of all-time), they started the year with Bill Laforge as their head coach and finished the year with a 25-46-9 record. It sucked to be a Canucks fan. Patrick Sundstrom was their leading scorer with a mighty 68 points (only 140 points behind the league leader, Wayne Gretzky). As bad as they were, they finished with the fourth worst record in the league and selected Jim Sandlak fourth overall in the draft that summer (yikes), so not exactly a great reward for finishing poorly.
The Chicago Blackhawks are back in town! Slated to play the Canucks on Friday, Jonathan Toews and company are currently 8th in the conference, which of course means “if the regular season ended today” the Canucks and Blackhawks would meet in the 1st round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs! So what do you think of that Canucks fans? Does that worry you? I have to admit, it worries me a little.
Ok, maybe “like” is a little strong, but I don’t mind it. I certainly don’t hate it or think that it should be abolished (unlike a lot of members of the media). The reason I’m making these statements is because every year for about the last ten years or so, it has become fashionable to say the All-Star Game is a waste of time and should not be held anymore. In about the last three years, this movement has gained even more steam with the increasing popularity of the Winter Classic, making it the new marquee mid-season showcase.
One day after the Dallas Stars inexplicably had their poorest showing of season, a 7-1 loss at the hands of the Vancouver Canucks, and one day before Mr Roxy himself, Shane O’Brien returns to town, it seems appropriate to look in-depth at the “Roxy Flu”.
Okay, so yesterday, Rob did a post about the NHL’s new Guardians project. First off, who the f’k reads comics anymore? I mean, I get that there are still plenty of longtime diehard fans of comics and graphic novels. But the goal of this partnership with Stan Lee is to attract young fans. Young fans don’t give a shit about comics! It’s only us old folks who’re nostalgic and loving every comic-to-movie-dream-come-true. But I digress. I appreciate the effort. Just saying this woulda been way more f’n awesome if this happened 20 years ago in the hey dey of Hulk Hogan and the Macho Man.
Anyways, let’s review what we have so far…
This f’n sucks. If I have to explain to you why, you probably suck too.
This Cyclops-wannabe on ice just doesn’t do it for me. And why’s he the only animal-named superhero who’s humanoid?
Kinda badass but if he’s gonna be playing around in the hurricanes and storms, why the f’k is his hair all floppy and hanging out? Get rid of that lock of hair and we’re good.
He controls the element of wind? Then why does he look like a ripoff Iron Man with helicopter wings? Oh, I get it. Like the military helicopter that goes by and makes things windy. Wtf.. Nice play on words Stan Lee.
I had to google this shit. Apparently Buffalo’s got hydropower plants. And a sabre is a weird looking sword. This dude manipulates water in all its forms. From liquid, to solid, to gaseous, to f’n badass sword. Oh wait, that’s also a solid. Stfu.
Dunno why but I kinda like this. The granite chin feels extraneous though.
A clear Juggernaut ripoff, bitches. Controls wintery weathery patterns and oily manipulation. Who the f’k wrote that? Wtf does that even mean?
Someone’s gotta explain this to me but why’s he a devil horse? And if all things are matter (other than thoughts), then his power’s pretty f’n awesome isn’t it?
Not bad. And can incinerate celestials.
I actually like this one. First, you guys got Stamkos and now a decent Guardian. Lucky bastards.
Titanium Music City Super Cat! Samurai Pizza Cats! Thundercats! lolcats!
Don’t see his f’n powerboat so why’s he on skis instead of a surfboard? And where’s his frickin’ laser beam? Oh well.. at least he controls a frickin’ army of sharks! Wait.. wtf’s a software empath?
This one makes enough sense. Works for me.
He seems as harmless as the Sedins. I guess that makes sense then.
Iron Man meets Cobra Commander. These are getting better.
Not sure why but I really like this. I hope they just reveal him to be Ovechkin by day.
Wtf? Why’s he peddling wheels? Shouldn’t he have attached motorized wheels? F’n inefficient Detroit craftsmanship.
I’m guessing he’s a dead Union soldier brought back to life and melded with a gazillion guns. Cooool.
Holy f’k! He controls fire! Shoots flaming eye blasts! Lava balls from his hands! Creates flaming stampedes! Solves fiery math problems! Hot sperm! Yoga flame! Yoga fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Did I mention fire?!#@$
Actually, this one’s pretty good but f’k you Flames!
On first glance, I’m thinking they gotta stop using the word “celestial.” But on 2nd glance, Minnesota North Stars -> Dallas Stars -> celestial incinerators -> celestial enforcer. Coincidence? Doubt it. Mind blown. You’re welcome.
Captain Planet’s ambiguously cool partner.
Hahaha a f’n tree! Shitty superhero for an even shittier team. Redeemed only by the Ninja Turtle’ish eye mask.
There was no other way to go with this so can’t hate too much. But who wrote this shit?! “Soul of an inspirational leader!” lol wtf. If Ottawa is about anything, it is sure as hell not about inspirational leaders!
One of the better ones to be sure but what about this screams fun loving? lol Again, who the f’k wrote this shit?
Anyhow… Keep coming back because I’ll be updating until all 30 Guardians are revealed.
Well Canucks fans, what do you think of this? Meet “Canuck”, one of 30 NHL super heroes. Sort of like Batman if he lived in the sea. You can read all about his super powers here.
This is all part of a new partnership between the NHL and the creator of Spider Man, Stan Lee. Will it inspire young fans to take an interest in the NHL? I’m not sure, but I guess it’s worth a shot. Personally, it’s not doing a lot for me, but they sure are fun to look at.
My eyebrow was raised a little bit with the news this morning that Sergei Shirokov has been re-called by the Vancouver Canucks. Remember him? Shirokov had some good seasons in Russia since being drafted by the Canucks in the sixth round back in 2006. He made the move to North America last year, dazzled everyone in preseason and earned a spot on opening night.
Sami Salo is back, well, almost. He’s been skating for a long time now, and has been practicing and traveling with the team for a couple of weeks also. So when is he set to return? The Canucks are keeping this somewhat secretive, but it looks to be soon.
The reason is of course the salary cap. The Canucks are very close to the cap right now and will be over it when Salo returns. According to CapGeek, the Canucks would need to get rid of $1.8 million of annual salary if Salo returned today.