Well, thank you Joe Thornton. A goal 77 seconds into the game and I think we all thought the same thing: “I hope he scores 4. Remember what he said he would do if he scored 4? Hahahahahahahah that would be so funny.” Well he didn’t. And the Canucks won. But it still gave me a great idea for a Top 6…
TOP 6 COCKS!
As in chickens and ways to prepare them. I’m not a foodie. I hate foodies. I like to eat but that just makes me the exact same as EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET. It’s like saying you’re a breathie. Anyway, here we go:
We all knew this would make an appearance on the list. Anyone who’s talked to me longer than five seconds knows I love eating as many chicken wings as I can. When I lived in Vancouver I knew which bars had wings on special on what day and when we had Lindsay I knew which ones allowed minors. In 1998 I ate 108 chicken wings at the Pumphouse Pub in Richmond when they used to have ten cent wings. Later that weekend I set another record pooping through the eye of a needle from 300 feet away. Planning a trip to Nanaimo? Get the country style wings at the Landlubber Pub.
5. Supermarket Chicken
Me and @BrowntoBure on Twitter have had a few discussions on this one. He’s partial to the superstore chicken. I say the Costco rotisserie chicken is the best ready to eat chicken going. You don’t even need side dishes because you walk past every sample stand on your route to the meat department back to the checkout lines.
4. Wendy’s Pretzel Pub Chicken
I’ve never tried it, but if the Wendy’s chick says it’s good, I believe her. Morgan Smith Goodwin, by the way. Did you know she’s really a blonde? So there ya go. Double agent and able to put chicken in this list AT WILL.
3. Chicken McNuggets
I worked at McDonald’s when I was in high school. Flipped a lot of burgers; bought an IROC. Left the t-tops on because I was also going bald pretty badly by that point in time and did NOT want what was left of my hair blowing in the wind. Anyway, I don’t think I ate as many McNuggets in that span of time as I did since I met my wife. Honestly, I don’t think I know anybody over the age of 8 that eats as many McNuggets as me or my wife, but when we go to the states it’s a whole different story. The 20 piece down there is 5 bucks. I try to pound one every day we’re down there. Usain Bolt likes ‘em too. My one complaint: What is up with that McDonald’s BBQ sauce? It’s the worst BBQ sauce on the planet. Know that scene in Smokey and the Bandit where Jackie Gleason tells Burt Reynolds “I’m gonna barbecue your ass in molasses!” I imagine Ronald’s bbq sauce is the result of that.
2. Fried Chicken
I guess KFC is the gold standard for this, but there’s nothing wrong with Church’s. You know, other than the fact that they only have franchises where crackheads and welfare bums congregate. Know what? Top 6 within a top 6 time!
Top 6 fried chickens:
White Spot’s Chicken Pickins
Church’s Korean BBQ Chicken
Brownie’s: I was feeling nostalgic. Didn’t think they even still existed. Turns out the Powell River one is closed BUT THERE’S ONE BY METROTOWN! Damn. Now I miss Vancouver.
Prime Time Chicken’s original gastown location near the Blarney Stone where you could gorge in a catatonic state before going home to puke in your bed before they moved to Main and Hastings and you wouldn’t go there if they paid you to eat there.
Shakespeare’s Fried Chicken from The Simpson’s. Sure, they don’t actually exist, but don’t you wish they did? Remember the episode where Homer ordered a bucket with extra skin? I couldn’t find it on YouTube. Sorry.
1. Chicken Fried Steak
OMG #1 isn’t even chicken! Come on. Cow beats chicken (or any other meat) all day long. This dish takes the best part of the chicken (the batter!) and combines it with the best part of the steak (steak!) and covers it with a mysterious white gravy that you’d drink by the glass if no one was looking. It’s a part of the fabric in the united states, but it’s an occasion when you see it in Canada outside of a Denny’s.
My wife wanted me to include chicken strips in this list. Come on. What are you? 6?
Paul DeBron is the former producer and on-air personality on the Team 1040. His popular feature “The Top 6″ now appears on Rob The Hockey Guy every Friday, except when DeBron is on “island time” (he lives in Nanaimo now). Follow him on Twitter at @MiltSeagull.
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