Hi Everybody! A refresher for those who know and an introduction for those who don’t: I used to be the producer of TEAM 1040’s morning show and I used to do a segment called the Top 6. People love lists and the debates they inspire. Without blowing too much smoke up my own ass, the Top 6 was a pretty popular segment. When Rob asked if I’d like to write a top 6 for RobTheHockeyGuy.com, my immediate question was “what does it pay?” No way I’m gonna fuck up my EI. When he told me he’d pay me the exact same 1040 paid me to do the Top 6, I was all in. The next biggest question was “what will the first top 6 be?” It seemed obvious: Top 6 places TEAM 1040 can shove their station. I kid! Too petty and I loved my time there. I still have a lot of good friends in that building and I wish them nothing but the best. As a lot of you know, I’m moving to Nanaimo next week. Top 6 things I’ll miss about Vancouver? There’s 2. BC Lions games and dirt cheap sushi. Ok, 3 if you count glory holes every 5 feet.
So here now: Top 6 things I WON’T miss about Vancouver.
#6 The cost of living here
I’d be lying if I said the cost of living here wasn’t the main reason I’m leaving. My job was the only thing keeping me here so when my wife got the opportunity to transfer to the island, we leapt at it. And you know what? We can buy a whole house for what we rented a 2 bedroom place for here.
#5 Bandwagon Canuck fans
I’ve lived here my whole life. I know EXACTLY one guy who’s stuck with this team through thick and thin. Graham Slack. He is @bob_sacamano_3 on Twitter. I remember 8500 fans being at a game between the Canucks and Blackhawks on Super Bowl Sunday in 2000 and I remember being able to go to the Pacific Coliseum for a Hockey Night in Canada game in ‘92 and buying scalper tickets in the lower bowl for TWENTY BUCKS. I digress. If even half the people claiming to be diehards now even went to 2 games a year in the Messier era, GM Place would have been packed every night. Tell me I’m wrong, but I think a huge chunk of this team’s popularity is the result of some awesome marketing. And no I’m not talking about YOU. You’re reading a hockey blog aimed at hardcore hockey fans. You’re all right.
#4 The story every spring on how business is booming at the Shark Club and the story every time the Canucks get knocked out of the playoffs how the Shark Club is losing a TON of business.
I don’t know what the connection is between Global News and the Shark Club, but they just can’t resist having a reporter talk to the manager of the Shark Club to probe the mysterious connection between the fortunes of the hockey team and a sports bar directly across the street from where they play. Lucky for me, the Clippers have about 12 die hard fans that just go to the games instead of watching them on TV so I don’t have to worry about Hudson Mack doing a story from the Dinghy Dock Pub when the playoffs start. Speaking of the Dinghy Dock: it’s Canada’s ONLY floating pub. I won’t miss Vancouver’s lack of floating pubs.
#3 Cyclists on the sidewalk
Yeah, I know. The guy who took over in the mornings hates bike lanes and the mayor. I’m not here to complain about that. I’m pretty pro bike. My gripe is the fact that even with all these bike lanes, cyclists still insist on riding on the sidewalk. The same sidewalk where old people walk and little kids toddle around without looking where they’re going. It’s an accident waiting to happen and it makes me want to push them off the sidewalk onto the road every time I see them. If you’re over 8 and under 70, get your damn bike off the sidewalk and use the bike lanes we’re all paying for.
#2 Women’s bathrooms
Obviously I have no idea about these, but my wife wanted me to say something. Apparently Vancouver women have some sort of weird hovering technique and there’s pee EVERYWHERE in there. Smarten up, ladies. I’m grossed out hearing about it.
#1 The drivers
You knew it was #1. The drivers. This city has the worst drivers ANYWHERE. There’s too many cars on not enough roads and no matter what race, gender demographic or suburb you want to blame it on, the bad driver influence has spread and EVERYBODY in this city has some terrible driving habits. Just check out the footage courtesy of @richmonddrivers.
That’s it for this week. I move Thursday, so if you have a strong back and want to get some White Spot on the ferry, let me know.